holiday wives

Publication:Times Of India Delhi;
Date:Dec 9, 2007;
Section:Spl Report;
Page Number:8
CRIMES AGAINST WOMEN
Hometruth: The Ugly NRI
Avijit Ghosh TNN The shining side of the NRI story usually makes for primetime news.But there’s another side that’s usually kept under wraps, much like a bad skin condition: crimes against women. Dowry harrasment, desertion, wife-beating, concealment of earlier marriage and ill-treatment — there are plenty of unknown Kiranjit Ahluwalias (whose lifestory was told in the film Provoked) in the NRI cupboard. According to New York-based South Asian women’s helpline Sakhi, the organisation got 201 calls from women seeking help in 2001. In 2006, the number had shot up to 685. “Requests for assistance could reach close to 800 this year. Calls and emails from women abandoned in India are increasing,” says Sandeep Bathala of Sakhi. On its website, the Oxford-based Asian Women’s Helpline claims to be getting about 85 calls a month. And since January 1990, Apna Ghar, a Chicagobased domestic violence shelter, has served over 5,400 domestic violence clients. But figures can never evoke the real horror of a vulnerable woman trapped in a bad marriage in an alien land. A survivor tale posted on the website of Narika, a California-based helpline for South Asian women captures that feeling. The unnamed survivor, who met her husband through a marriage web site (it was a second marriage for both), recounts: “My in-laws and my husband nudged me into the role of a maidservant... I was not allowed to go out of the house, make or receive phone calls and for some time they monitored my e-mails too. I was introduced as a guest to the few people I came across in those four months. I was shocked when my husband refused to consummate our marriage. In effect, I was penniless without any outside contact and totally at their mercy — just the way they wanted it. Economically, socially emotionally and mentally, we (the victim and her daugh ter by first marriage) were their slaves.” This isn’t an isolated case. Senior Punjab cop San jeev Gupta, who used to head the NRI cell, says he has come across several cases where the NRI got married only because his family needed domestic help abroad. That’s not all. Last month, Punjab police charged NRI Jagpaljit Singh and three members of his family with the murder of his wife Manjit. Reason: Property The same month Haryana cops arrested California based Nitin Kumar on his wedding night. Reason: Dowry demands. Then there are thousands of holiday wives in Punjab’s Doaba region: women languishing in their parents’ homes after being abandoned by their NRI hus bands following a brief stay together. The problem, say experts, is that new immigrants often bring their social baggage with them. Lakshmi Aiyappa of US-based ASHA for Women says “in-law control and dowry” are contributing to the problem of domestic violence. Activist Ranjana Kumari points out that mindsets don’t change merely by changing countries. In-laws still expect their daughter-in-law to be subordinated and serving. “The newly wedded immigrant woman is more vulnerable because in a foreign country with a different culture, she doesn’ know where to go for help,” she says. A modicum of help, though, is on its way. Ear lier this year, the Ministry of Overseas Indian Affairs launched a scheme to provide financial and legal assistance to women deserted by NRI spouses. Some women’s organisations such as Asha for Women, Manavi and Sakhi have been em panelled with Indian missions abroad to offer help. The MOIA has also brought out a guidance booklet titled, ‘Marriage to Overseas Indians’ which outlines the dos and don’ts of marrying abroad But as the rising number of distress calls show, a lot more needs to be done. avijit.ghosh@timesgoup.com